Here we go again. Third night in the row interrupted sleep. At least I could sleep for a couple hours. Laying in bed tossing and turning with aching body doesn’t count. An overtired body that lives with an alert mind. How excited I was in my dream that I was rich with this big house, and an entire different life, but then the anxiety why are all these girls so possessive of me, and how do they know me? What’s with the chick whose the most possessive of all and says we’re sisters or related in some tight way yet the only memories I have are of my ‘step family’ (she prefers me call them that than my ‘other family’ which upsets her every time)

18 Extremely Sleepy Animals

“I just feel bad for you” I say to myself as my touch is hypersensitive. Maybe I need to detox. Too much medicine heavy on the liver. My mind is starting to knock out now, black outs but as soon as I put my head down in what SHOULD be a comfortable position Im’ screwed. Apparently I bit the side of my mouth while I was sleeping and I have that to deal with too. And a dry mouth. I had 2 glasses of orange juice, and now I should get some water but I can barely function. When I stand up it’s like I’ll fall down. You know I called the cops on those possessive girls who were getting CRAZY over me in my dream.

18 Extremely Sleepy Animals

I need to stop extraneous spending. Lines of credit open destroyed my self control and I splurged yet again this past week when my symptoms of hypomania flared back up and I bought a bunch of MAC products and a 50 dollar dinner for my best friend. I can’t do that even if it’s on credit. But especially debit. I need enough in there for my phone bill in a week and a half to take out. I did make payments on my credit cards. Doing my best to keep my shit together even though I’m all over the place.

18 Extremely Sleepy Animals

Need to meet my friend Angela’s friend Shelly. We’ll be the sisterhood of the traveling bipolar pants. My friend Geeg I need to keep in better contact with this week too. Last time I called her I was on a job. I need another job coming up. And speaking of jobs I’m not in the mood to be responsible tonight and tutor 3 people for 3 hours. I wish I had a bullshit excuse to call it off, but I get PAID tomorrow which makes it much more worthwhile. Maybe I can still re-schedule it for friday.

18 Extremely Sleepy Animals

I’m wearing the birthstone of my best friend, and my other best friend has the same birth stone as me, and my other other best friend has an aquamarine birth stone I need a ring for the other finger and I’ll be feeling perfectly fancy. I wonder if Geeg shares a birthstone with anyone else. I’m running out of room for rings. Maybe tomorrow or the day after I’ll feel brave and check out a Nordstrom Rack. But then again, there goes spending right? My face is breaking out. My thoughts are like this in my journal but less organized. Did you know in APA style you put two spaces between each sentence? That’s so awesome. My favorite part.

18 Extremely Sleepy Animals

One after the other. If I had the energy I’d finish cleaning again. I went on a binge clean a couple nights ago. More evidence of hypomania, these grandiose projects of mine. Clean entire home and bring heavy furniture downstairs while family is sleeping, take all photos in summer facebook album, save them on your phone, edit them with the new editing software adding frames and such and then put them all back and delete old album, going through nearly 100 artists from last.fm to spotify to see if I like any new music. My eyes are stinging.

18 Extremely Sleepy Animals

This is my mind right now. Race race race. Race to the nonexistent finish line.

18 Extremely Sleepy Animals


4 thoughts on “Hyposleepia

  1. I feel your tormenting pain. It’s not eady to understand for non bpd sufferes, though they may try. Shelly is gonna love you. Let’s go soon!

  2. Those little animals falling over are so cute. I have a bunny. He was hopping all around my room tonight and dancing around my feet in figure eights. I have not been able to get a good video of that yet. I have to see if someone else can video tape it. I do not have a good angle with the cell phone while I am standing. But he always does that dance around my feet, when i let him out of the cage. He always makes me laugh.
    I loved this post. Insomnia is not easy to fix. People give all those stupid suggestions so I just don;t mention my insomnia anymore.
    Drink herbal tea ! Try to RELAX at bed time …DUH!!!!
    Have you tried reading a good book? It will put you right to sleep? (not much of a complement to the author of the book!!!) What are they reading??
    Try a warm bath.
    Candles crystals, incense, music…..REALLY?
    I love when someone says ” I had so much trouble falling asleep last night. I layed there for 20 minutes! before I could sleep”……. OH WHAAaaa waa

    • Hehe. I’m actually reading a book called “Doctor Sleep” right now. But of course it’s not a self-help book but the life of the little boy from the Shining all grown up, haha! I do like reading myself to sleep though. 😉 I have to remind myself to relax right about now! It’s just about bedtime again!!

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