When I was a little girl my dad would give me money to buy extra milk or an ice cream at McDonald’s, but he’d have me get it myself. I was terrified and usually didn’t want to walk the 20 feet away in the mall from my watching parents to do it. I regret it now. How much dairy I could have enjoyed.
I thought about it today when I fought my social anxiety with all my might running to Walgreens and Costco for my dad. How much time I spend losing my mind over simple things. I suppose all my life I’ve been in this state of anxiety and it surely dosen`t help me any.
I miss my basement. It’s dad’s office space now but used to be my private abode where I could work out and dance, recline with blankets and watch Netflix marathons. I was anxiety free in the basement.
One thing that lessens my anxiety is Christmas decor in the house. I plan on cleaning up tomorrow before school in order to get the house ready for decorations right after thanksgiving. The longer the Christmas spirit lingers in the house, the happier I am.
I put my two weeks notice in at work today. I pray my interview comes soon and I get the job. I’ll be taking my first step into real adulthood, the full time job. I hope I can handle life. I wish I could live on disability checks forever.
Life feels empty. No reason or rhyme in particular. I’ve been particularly social lately but not happy doing it. It’s hard to fake smile. Not to be overly dramatic, but it’s the tears of a clown, when there’s no one around, ohh yeah baby.
What is your mood today? 60
How are you feeling physically? Lethargic
And emotionally? Anxious
What are your goals for tomorrow? Clean the house in order to put up Christmas decorations.