Day hospital has ended

Rob, Marlene and I all took our bows and graduated last Friday. I was given a tiny tigers eye by my case manager which, thanks to insurance I can’t afford to see as an outside therapist. It’s really got me down. 50 hours of therapy a week reduced to none. I don’t know what to do with myself. Number one struggle for all the alum is finding structure without group. I went from a 12k deductible before group to 6k as of graduation.

Currently I’m trying to enjoy myself. I’ve been watching vh1 and horror movies at my new dog sitting clients house. He is a lovely man as are his two dogs. He’s nearly 7 foot and has a couch large enough for someone of his stature. This couch? Amazing. The comfiest of any house I’ve worked in. The apartment is quaint but the living room area has been completely relaxing.

Unfortunately, aside from the upcoming job I’ve committed myself to next week, I’m not sure the inconvenience is worth doing the job. There was zero parking within a mile of the apartment complex. I hate Chicago for things like that. It’s not the first neighborhood I’ve worked in that’s been that way. Especially on a weekend you need to park and not go anywhere. No plans for you! I am going to a bonfire Sunday night and finish this job Sunday afternoon.

I’ve never been in an apartment with punching bag. And yes, I went at it for a bit.

I was relatively social on spring break, the best day visiting David and our friend Jeff. Besides the good company we watched some amusing things including Lords of Salem (which was awful, shame on Rob Zombie) and of course played Magic: the Gathering.

Right now I need to focus on staying grounded. It’s getting closer to the time when Chris is coming home from Washington and I have no idea what to do. I do know I won’t drive him to and from work like I used to. I’m setting a boundary as much as I want to help him out because if I don’t there’ll be truth to.”we’re just the same people doing the same thing over and over.” I’ve put in a lot of work to change into who I am now, I can’t flush it all away.



4 thoughts on “Day hospital has ended

  1. I’m a bit late on reading…so I’m going to comment on 2 posts at once…I hope you don’t mind.
    I hate that Taz’s mom has been such an unthinking person. The only recourse I can give her is her grief over her dog, but that doesn’t mean you are nasty to someone else. And to say those things in a text??? Unless you are deaf, like I am, she should have talked to you so you could talk back, but she didn’t. She took the coward’s way out. Let me bitch at someone in a way that they can’t say anything back. That’s cold. If she had spoken to you, you could have said that you went home to shower and change….but I’m sorry, I don’t think it would make any difference. She has it in her head that you neglected her dog, and that will probably never change. You need to take care of you in this. I know you love her dog, but her treatment of you is uncalled for. When we are vulnerable, people will pick up on it and take advantage. It’s a time when we have to be very diligent and make sure to take care of ourselves. I remember when I got out of the hospital and graduated from the day program, I was full of hope for the future, but looking back, I know I was on a very tightly wound string and it could have popped at any moment. I had to be careful to keep up with my self care, and not falling back into old habits.
    I had to ask my best friend and roommate to move out because she was so codependent on me, and I enabled her. She sucked me dry. I didn’t want to end the relationship, I worked hard to explain things, had her come to group….ect. But when I stopped enabling her, she disappeared. I felt lost, after all we’d been friend for 9+ years, and I felt betrayed. For a long time it was so hard. But I moved on. (and I will admit for a long time I was pissed).
    Be careful, don’t let people take advantage of you. If you do not feel comfortable telling your friends that you need more money to babysit, then be conveniently busy when they need a sitter. Or, if this is a regular sitting job, tell them you were offered a job for the same times paying X amount of dollars. You’d love to sit for them, but you really need the money. (yes I know that could backfire on you…maybe you should look for work during those times so it won’t be a lie. If you like sitting for them, then say you would still like to sit for them but you need more money.) If they get all bent out of shape about it, they aren’t really your friends. And that is the hardest thing when you are working on yourself. You will find out that some people are not healthy for you any more. You may love them, but they are poison. (my sister is poison to me, I can’t have a relationship with her unless it’s on my terms, and that means very little contact.) As my therapist once said….A lot of people have issues….And They Are NOT Yours! You don’t need to take other people’s issues on your shoulders.

    Be careful out there. if you need…..remember you aren’t alone. wendy

    • you’re more than welcome to keep in touch via e-mail with me. you’re not alone either.

      She didn’t say those things in a TEXT but she DID say them via a facebook message. It’s refreshing to hear what other people have to say and yours are words I always listen very closely to. Tell your therapist to open a practice in Chicago! And…to work for charity cases for poor people like me 🙂

  2. I have just been extended the Brave Heart Award — And now I’m nominating YOU!
    You can find out more about the award by following this link……it will take you to my blog post about the award.

    Please leave me a comment if you accept the award.

    Each nominee is notified with the inclusion of the following words: (Note from me: remember, a survivor from abuse does not always mean from physical or sexual abuse. As someone with illnesses we are often abused by others who don’t understand, by doctors…ect. You are not Alone.)

    Stand Strong You Are Not Alone

    I call you a survivor, because that is what you are. There are days when you don’t feel like a survivor and there are days when the memories trigger your past and it feels like you are losing the fight – but you are not. Take the past and heal with it. You are strong.

    I want you to know that any abuse you experience as a result of your diagnosis is not your fault. It does not matter what age it happened. You did not deserve it, you did not cause it, and you did not bring it on yourself. You own no shame, guilt, or remorse.

    In your life, you have faced many demons, but look around you and you will see there is hope and there is beauty. You are beautiful, You are loved, there is hope.

    You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. You deserve peace and joy in your life. Don’t settle for anything less than that. God has plans for you. Your future does not have to be dictated by your past.

    Each step you take you are not alone. Stand Strong.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s