We are the X-Men

After the fiasco at the pharmacy I broke down at home. I was angry, I was depressed, and feeling hopeless. My health insurance dropped me because I couldn’t pay the premium, apparently there wasn’t enough money in the account it was supposed to debit from, and when I went to pick up my prescriptions the insurance had been removed from the system. I had no idea, never got a letter. So instead of a 200 dollar bill for 3 prescriptions, it was 700 out of pocket. I went home with my heart pumping wildly. The pharmacist gave me 2 nights worth of Luvox to hold me over until I figure something out. I’ve already missed two doses trying to figure out how I was going to be able to pay for it period.

My dad who was equally as frustrated at the situation as I was asked me why I was crying. I told him (not for the first time in my life) that everyone’s life would be a lot easier without me in it but I didn’t want to die, and I was just really sorry I’m nothing but problems. He indicated that this was bullshit (by saying, “that’s bullshit.”) and told me not to talk like that. We’d work through the problems, and they’d get better. No one in the house is currently employed, and it’s been hard financially particularly because of my monthly medical expenses. Even with the insurance I’d have to pop over a hundred dollars for a twenty minute visit with any doctor, which has had me begging in voice mails for prescription refills because I just can’t afford to come in, and thankfully my psychiatrist has been good to me. But now, without insurance, the prescription prices have skyrocketed. I can live without Seroquel, even though my quality of life is so much better ON it, but even after two days without my Luvox dose my mind and body were beginning to deteriorate. For starters, when I’m in Luvox withdrawal I can not breathe. It literally screws with my respiratory system particularly in periods of rest like when I’m trying to sleep. I’ll be up night after night gasping for air and crying. Without Lamictal I have zero stabilization. They are the two drugs I need in order to survive, and I don’t mean to sound overly dramatic.

I made a “GoFundMe” in hopes to get a little financial relief in the meantime: http://www.gofundme.com/mentalillnessiscostly If you know any mental health advocates who would be willing to share some of their hard earned cash with me so I can make sure I can get my medicine please share the link. There’s a large part of me that feels like it’s a cop out to ask for donations, but I’m scared right now. I’m riding 7k in debt from the Adult Day Hospital AFTER the hospital charity program. I’ve been applying for every kind of aid I can find, but it’s been a slow ride, and this is a race.

After dad calmed me down a little and I stopped crying, he came back into the room to tell me,

“Another thing to remember is, some people have no hair.” Dad’s semi-bald, and I just gave him a confused look.

“Some people have no hair, I don’t have any hair, grandpa had no hair and my grandpa had no hair. But somewhere down the evolutionary order, and I don’t know how, having no hair was an advantage. Just like that guy from the X-Men who could laser beam anything from his eyes, but learned how to manage it. I don’t know why you have your problems, but you’re smart and artistic and I know that if you can learn to manage them, you’ll have an advantage in some way too.”

So I offer seats at my table for my brethren X-Men who want to find our advantage in the world despite the trials bipolar and all other mental illnesses can and will put us through. If nothing else can come from sitting at the table with me, support is always available, as I know more than anyone that a support system, even from WordPress community strangers can make a change.


28 thoughts on “We are the X-Men

  1. hey one thing i was wondering, are you in therapy? If not, try to get in, and if you have one that is expensive try going to one that works on a sliding scale. Back when i was in LA i went to a sliding scale one (usually Universities/grad schools/ certain clinics provide it) and then you just pay by how much you’re able to. Like, i was paying 10 dollars a session and it helped my life soooooo much!

  2. Agh I wish you lived in Australia, despite some changes that are about to happen, we have a much better health system. Best of luck lovely. I’ll donate on my next pay day in 2 weeks xx

  3. I am lucky as her in Australia, as I am on a Disability Support Pension, most of my medications only cost $6 for a month due to the PBS. But I have a mate with many complex issues and his non-PBS meds cost hundreds of dollars a month and he has major problems in coming up with the cash.
    I hope someone comes to your aid. Without my seroquel, I am a total mess.

  4. Most drug manufacturers have a program that you can sign up for to get their medication for free if you are in dire circumstances. I had to go through this once upon a time but I did get the medication i needed at no cost. Maybe this is an option for you, I don’t know. i wish you the best of luck.

    • The manufacturers of the drugs I’m missing gave me the run around with several different phone numbers to call and in the end there wasn’t much of a discount to be had. I’ll keep my eye out though if I get on any new and more expensive drugs so thank you!

  5. I know this post is old, but I found it very moving. I see that you are now on medicare. I hope you were able to get medicaid too. I haven’t read recent posts yet, so maybe you’ve found a job and this is all irrelevant to you. I hope so, but sometimes some of us are not able to work because our bipolar disorder is that debilitating. My younger sister and I are bipolar with psychotic tendencies but I tend to be productive because I’m mainly hypomanic to manic with my mood swings, but my sister is mostly severely depressed.
    I liked your reference to the X-Men. I wrote a blog years about about how bipolar people were just like the X-Men because we all have varying levels of acceptance to our disorder just like the mutants did about their powers.
    Sorry for ranting. I just wanted to say hello and to tell you that you now have a new fellow mutant to talk to if you need someone to listen. Pop over to my blog if you would like. mydualities.wordpress.com

    Best Wishes!!!
    Duals 🙂

    • Just on Medicade! Unfortunately I’m still in the job hunting process. I need to get up to date on your blog too. I’ve just been sucking at keeping up, and then feeling bad about it. (Common for me but never a good feeling). From what you said about you and your sister I completely see you as twins with yin and yang superpowers haha. Us mutants need to stick together.

    • Ranting is always allowed on my blog unless it’s about how horrible I am 😛 I’m in your sisters boat with the depression. I hope you don’t get into the kind of debt I DO when you’re hypomanic to manic. ❤

      • I haven’t had that type of trouble yet with debt. I limit my credit and I stay away from my husband’s accounts for fear of that type of spending. I tend to gamble when I’m manic and that’s a problem for me. I don’t let myself go to a casino with more than I can afford to lose and I never go alone. I’m always afraid of the big WHAT IF though. I know there might be a time when I say EFF IT and splurge, but I hope it’s not more than I can handle when my sanity returns. 🙂

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