Facebook is funny. It reminds me how afraid I am of forgetting. I remember when Myspace was still king and only college kids could use Facebook. I was working a summer job when my friends there helped me set one up and I barely used it. Now look at me. One of my go-to time killing, brain numbing activities. Usually facespace is a ride into the past. Like how I clicked on my friends profile whose e-mail I haven’t gotten back to in a month because my brain is moosh and I was having a mixed episode (I should really get on that e-mail). I poked around on her page, saw a ghost of a name post something on one of her status’.
I’m beginning to sound like a teenage girl giving gossip about some really obscure person my best friends dog’s neighbor knew, but bear with me. As I clicked on Kevin’s page I fell into the overly emotional ocean at the end of memory lane. Good thing I’m doped up on mood stabilizers because nostalgia makes my eyes wet. Kevin’s in a field that put what he went to college for at work. He’s still good friends with Adam and his twin. Adam still does Kung Fu and apparently had Cancer. Click. Click. Click. Going through the rounds of all the faces and names I remember and for the sake of never wanting to forget anything have to write down, if not just the names. (Without access to a journal at those times I cringe).
That was the old ‘crew’ from my early college days when I would visit my then boyfriend at his school. It was an hour away from home and a beautiful trip on a long strip of highway with no lights. I’d listen to Jimmy Eat World at 3am with the windows down, trying to stay awake and contemplate my future and struggles. That was the time of parties and booze and dying my hair fire engine red. I wasn’t that anxious in those early days, that was before my diagnosis. Being manic at a college party and crashing at your boyfriends apartment is fun as hell, let me tell you. It wasn’t all fun and games, but it was a chapter of my life I don’t want to forget. (Mind you for a good while I did.) I feel like things then, and really at any other time in my past were more eventful than they are now. Even being agoraphobic in my friend’s basement for the good part of a year was more memorable than the here and now. That early college chapter set footing for another and one after that and now Jimmy’s married and in the army and I’m here…wherever, “here” is.