Accumulation of Frustration, Fear and Anxiety

I realized something while my mind was hosting a tea party with its mind teddy bears. When I came back to school from the year I missed to Lyme Disease, I was placed in an alternate school program four hours a day alongside taking my high school chemistry class on campus. I was 17 at the time. I was a hard worker regardless of my classroom and it frustrated me in this alternative program I was “stuck” with a bunch of delinquents who did as little work as possible in order to earn their high school diplomas. Of course bad behavior wasn’t the only reason people were in there, but the room was a challenge and the program a joke. In my opinion at least. There were ancient Apple computers running green screen programs that my peers would hold down the enter key to get to the quiz at the end in a matter of seconds and press random answers until they selected the correct answer and completed the assignment for the day. I remember sitting there with pen in hand taking meticulous notes on physics so I could honestly take the test and learn the material. It irritated me to no end that guys in the class would sit with the female “teacher” (and I use that term VERY loosely) and chat so they didn’t have to work. The male teacher gave slightly more attention to making sure the students were completing their work, but not by a landslide. The two were more friendly businessmen than instructors. Aka they were pretty lazy at their jobs. Now here’s where the point comes in.

My co-workers at my job are just as incompetent in an environment in which the clients and the state rely on us to assist in the development of daily living and work skills for an equally challenging population. It’s just a perfect example as to why it’s important I continue my education and work as hard as I can in the social services field, because the other guys are not. Chit chatting with high functioning clients and sitting on your phone’s while leaving low functioning clients to stare at whatever was plopped on the tables are just unacceptable behaviors. Thanks for letting me get that out of my system.

Aside from my work frustrations my anxiety is boiling quietly in the home stretch to improve my research paper into its final form by April 30th. My fear of failure is hosting its own tea party. In order to project my stress I’ve been engrossed in a MMORPG and making impulsive purchases with impending regrets. I’m mindful enough at least to remind myself to stay mindful.

It’s one of those periods where I’m taking it one MINUTE at a time. I am hypersensitive emotionally and physically right now to the NNNth degree.

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