A little different focus today

If you strip the disability away from someone and you’re faced to look at them for being a person like anybody else, you might gasp at the fact that they too, can be an asshole. Even when their diagnosis are mild or moderate MR. Sounds harsh, but thanks to faulty operant conditioning, the women in my CILA home are all spoiled brats. This is with the exception of the one with a diagnosis of “moderate” but is borderline “severe” MR who isn’t a manipulator, a liar, an attention seeker…I mean I could go on. And these are real behaviors believe it or not. A CILA is an establishment for assisted independent living, and the way my organization runs things, it’s pretty much a glorified hotel.

These women on a regular basis are rude to each other, catty, and even give their staff (me) attitude in situations like when I expect them to set their own place at the table and clean up after themselves (the ONLY thing I expect right now. One of them said that it’s not fair, if you can believe that), and I give them my all on a daily basis like they were my own kids. It HURTS to have to have talks with them about their behavior or when they make a mistake, because they get upset and suddenly I feel like the bad guy instead of the best buddy that I also am to all of them.

It’s hard work if ever there was any, and as miraculously calm and patient as I am, it’s REALLY starting to fluff up my bipolar depression. I see people getting sent to Disney World on the news because they did a pay it forward pizza slice at their restaurant…but what about what I do?! But this is another rant for another day. It’s not like I can’t handle my job, but I can’t handle how the administration can’t handle their ‘warm body filler staff’ on the two days a week I’m not there who screw everything up (literally), and I’m grossed out by this spoiled brat thing. If only my life were so difficult that my main complaint was that I was tired from shopping with my mom today and playing hookie on my day program where I complain it’s boring but don’t do any work that’s being offered for learning especially because I’m living in a CILA home now…

I’d like to ask DHS their opinion on a few things honestly. Like, why is it that even at the main organization, bad behavior is rewarded? Want to stop a behavior? Is this something that happens in all organizations for special needs adults? Let’s offer the resident a pop or a dollar. For real? Two nights ago a 58 year old woman was screeching and ripping her room apart (literally, furniture was moved) because she couldn’t find her “FUCKING RING”. I called our on call because I was terrified she was going to hurt herself while freaking out and got a call back from one of the social workers who has this dreamy irritating voice at this point in time to tell me to offer her a dollar or tell her she can buy a new ring. Well, I was smirking because the resident was not having it. And after I found her ring (in her shoe) she immediately stopped freaking out and went to bed. I even tucked her in while she was apologizing about yelling at me.

In my opinion as someone who does direct care with residents and has for the past year, rewarding these bad behaviors with a trip to get ice cream if you stop having a tantrum, is doing a whole lot of wrong. It’s psych 101 people, no matter their level of developmental disability.

This is Bipolar Barbie signing out. Off to another day of work where I will miraculously lockbox all of my emotions in order to make it through the day and then make a B-line to my Luvox & Lamictal and the only time I’ll have to decompress is the hour drive home…

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