Discharged

To prep myself for discharge I set up my journal with check in sheets similar to those we did daily in outpatient but adjusted to best benefit me. It includes a scale of 1-7 rating of my depression, anxiety and suicidal idiation in both the morning and evening at the bottom and top of the page. It additionally has a space for 3 things I’m thankful for that day. Additionally there’s a space for goals for the day, for daily wins and accomplishments, a space that says “I used [skill] today to:” in which I can write things like “I used radical acceptance today to accept that I am anxious about going to the show tonight and seeing my friends I haven’t seen in 2 months since I left for outpatient. I accept that this is where I am right now and that is okay” or “I used opposite action to go to the show even though I was anxious”. Lastly there’s a spot for exercising my self worth that reads, “The thing I love about myself most today is:”. I feel like this will help keep me mentally structured and build upon everything I’ve worked on at outpatient.

I returned to work as well twice this past week and 6 days a week starting next week. I came back feeling excited, overstimulated and confident. I surely did miss my job. I’m scared the most that I’ll not practice my skills as well as I did while I was in outpatient, but there’s no reason for me not to be able to build upon what I’ve started and exercise the new neural pathways I’ve been creating for myself. I need to remember to look at my affirmations, my vision board, journal and track my wins. These are things I have set up in my favor for success. I feel that transitions are usually hard and this one in particular because of the uncertainty is stressful, but I think I’m sitting with the uncertainty and uncomfortable feelings pretty well and stopping my rumination as fast as I can.

Lastly for this post I wanted to share a letter I wrote to a future patient at the hospital outpatient program I just finished. It was my last assignment before I finished and it was optional.

“Dear Future Patient,

You are a wonderful person. Don’t believe me? I mean we don’t know each other, but I say this with confidence because despite the things you feel like you can’t do right now (which is okay by the way, work from where you are toward who you want to become and accept where you are as a first step to moving forward) and despite the things you may have done that you don’t feel so good about, you are worthwhile of a full life and of help.

Outpatient was my second place I went for help. I was leaving outpatient elsewhere a month before and walking in here I felt like an embarrassment to myself and becoming vulnerable was brutal. However, it was a necessary personal choice I made that helped me grow. It’s a safe environment to be challenged in and supported and the discomfort I felt here made changes in myself.

Because of the paradigm shifts I experienced each week I challenged myself to work a little harder. Your treatment team here will give you tools, teach you and be the tools for processing, guidance and growth. May you open your toolbox here and be willing to use what you’ve been given. There are no comparisons as our struggles are each uniquely our own but for me there has been no better place to be while facing the hard bits of life than at outpatient.

May you grow, even just a little, for little wins add up to benefit the future self you want to be, even if just in this moment you’re not 100% sure you know what that looks like. You will.

My very best wishes for you,

Former patient”

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Discharged

  1. Nice letter to a future patient. It can be so overwhelming to be at the beginning of the process. You gave great advice. I’m glad you’re going back to work too. Six days a week? It’s good to be busy, but make sure you take care if yourself. I’m pulling for you.

  2. I am so proud of you. I’ve missed you so much, it is so good to see you blogging again. You have put forth so much recently. I’ve been reading, but haven’t been able to come over and comment. I get your updates in my email and have read on my phone, but commenting from there is awful, and I’ve been having some increased anxiety issues lately. I’m working on it, and your posts are helping.
    It is wonderful to see how much you have grown and how you are learning so much about yourself and your coping skills.
    I hope you will continue to blog. Has it helped to write about it?
    I think about you so often. It is so good to see you here. love to you my friend.

    • Love you too and I’ve missed you as well! Good ol’ isolating from sweet people. WELL I’m doing better now. Been a while. I’m sorry your anxiety is increased lately! I will continue to blog! It does help! I have it in my schedule to do this week. Having a schedule has also helped me stay structured and productive. I’ll write more when I can and check out your blog too!!!!!!

Leave a Reply to bipolarbarbieq Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s