It doesn’t have to be a snowman…

Welp, I messaged Chris on facebook, asking him how his day was because how more neutrally can you strike up a conversation with someone you haven’t talked to in months? Aaaaannnnd he asked if it was a good idea for us to be communicating. So I said ‘Who knows. Guess we won’t tonight.” And that’s that. Serious sadness. Farewell to that relationship probably forever considering that response. His loss, right?

The equivalent of going up to the door as Ana from Frozen and asking, “Do you want to build a snowman?” “Okay, bye…” (By the way, that song, completely made me want to cry. It’s a prime example of why I hate children/family movies, they squeeze your emotions out VERY well). To make matters worse, when I was watching the movie with Izzy and the kids last week I couldn’t help but remember when Chris and I saw Tangled and we were shocked and pleasantly surprised, one of the few people in the really old, small theater with uncomfortable chairs…I really cherish that memory. Makes my eyes watery recalling it every time the way things are now.

If that thought weighed my head down, what turns my frown around is that it turns out that test that I was so unsure of and then ended up finishing first and feeling good about last week, I got a 49/50 on. What a great feeling in the midst of feeling anxious and depressed as EFF.

Tuesday is now over so three more official days with the dogs. My sleep schedule has gone completely to hell. Bedtime has been around 8-9am while watching mind numbing TV. My Seroquel used to put me out light a light within an hour or two the longest and now it doesn’t do a thing for me. I’ve got so much anxiety balled up about calling the doctor though that it’s fueling the fire inside. The vicious icy blue fire that freezes and I have a hard time controlling. (Like Elsa! I guess maybe I should re-name this post, ‘Let it Go’ considering all the messages so far).

I never even fished watching Frozen yet. The kids were awful last week and I turned the movie off. Just a sample of my depressed persons world is having my heart sink the first quarter of that movie with all the depressing stuff that happens (which is, to be expected, typical Disney recipe for plot building). I think the worst part is that entire growing up, “Do you want to build a snowman?” song that I referenced a couple paragraphs ago. Izzy, whose 5, kept looking over at my facial expressions and worriedly would say things like, “it’s still a good movie!”

My family called today to check on me this morning and I was in such a slump it was WORK to talk to them. I wanted to spend the time on the phone but when they were asking me how I was feeling it wasn’t what anyone wanted to hear. Depressed, tired, my chest and stomach hurt (“probably stress” – mom) and I just don’t ‘feel good’. My dad helped me out a LOT with the assignment I needed to turn in today which I REALLY appreciate. I’ve been more connected with the family emotionally since adult day hospital began, one of the good things that came of it. I just hate letting them down, I’m more honest with them about how I’m feeling than I am with my close friends and I like to think I’m pretty honest about how I’m feeling, perhaps I just tend to be in my rawest form when I tell my family I’m emotionally not feeling well, and they can pick up on it whether or not I say anything.

“Do you wanna build a snowman?
Come on lets go and play
I never see you anymore
Come out the door
It’s like you’ve gone away-
We used to be best buddies
And now we’re not
I wish you would tell me why!-
Do you wanna build a snowman?
It doesn’t have to be a snowman…”

large

 

Advertisements

#DisneyInk

A follow up to the last tattoo post, I must say that the tatts that attract me the most are the geeky ones. Which is why I was so giggly about the Babelfish for instance. Things you love, that are well drawn, and have to audition with your eyes to be on your skin. Here are the best of all the Disney tattoos on the interweb.

3f93af0fb7cedbbf89afe7bd4d954542 5ab77dc959af375ac758b5fcaa93c581 6af87f98cdbb704f01e86585cc75855e 7df88e4071e0c447d0652b362435d4d5 8b1a0c154b8474aa6f0f78fcb62d9311 8bd573ba09bdf223155801b3aa3e29ff 8dbbc0c7f563ce40ca0cee57c4f7de03 9a1639c18c14ae82bba31c9a5febfef0 9e1aed4c1ed522c1e4591c10fbe26557 19d65fca422160c39fc4ae3cb2e239d5 48aea8c8806744ab11fcd218cddfdf35 075d2c10b99ffd2f11fcfd241764925c 83ab38d0f7f4dc34a779bfe2e506130f OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA 634dbcbc0b63ebb03602af5837c4b357 851fe463e6a2f9e1cd3a20be41642058 854c17e98ae9ba222f97a09377a546de 1441bcf27a680fa43229f9112c97b756 7799dc179511d1ad1f160c231045ec11 27125dd50739c2622332557773d46b24 569977e46bfbde1f6f8398417fb2a495 82588159d7fe3745e3f84e5e8a179889 560895153af0e9e477f7ccf440a6db80 a5882bd340891c84cdbfbfe65dbdf3f7 a31100edfd14a682ba36ca9d606231ab aaf18a45767c4887cbbde2315701476f ac71718c1dc485897526c36d8af8b436 c9d63f21714794d47de29ac24e510b58 c39e0bea864af82becf6bb9c0d2fd5cd c818e752ac898324c66078e6dbe513e7 cc589d8edba4729a8ca8029ac5f0b326 ce79df8b2bbee7885658c4742a2b096b ff9ae85206a86aa25f466b040c54bc3b images (1) images (2) Photoon9-28-11at846AM tumblr_lhekkr9aNe1qe8p2ro1_400 tumblr_lxs2hxKPhc1qzz0veo1_500 tumblr_ly2ci1dykc1r8wo1to1_500 tumblr_lzncrybjbQ1r4wa9go1_500 SAMSUNG tumblr_m5zfpwRv721r8wo1to1_500 tumblr_m7ku1boUN61r34gqso9_250 tumblr_m7nl9yoKNY1qg25aio1_500 tumblr_m8yizqs4wh1r8wo1to1_500 tumblr_mcajxaPv7v1qzabkfo1_500 tumblr_mdghg2cV1l1qcf4v6o1_500

AND …these would make for some great Disney ink-spiration!

0de089f6e36d731436cebeeaf42da0b9 3. 3c7bf6066179ec69bf4afd16979ba713 9d9930b036471890586f6539ea2907c4 92c8dabaf47a2a5f2ff9b711b8e28cc0 2356072 16808632cf332e83c63d2815e5f1953a images (3) original peter_pans_captain_hook_disney_postage_stamp-p172714066577980415uua2h_400 peter-pan-1 Peter-Pan-leading-men-of-disney-16250168-500-313

#KermitCakeIsMyFavorite

I love cake! Preferably 90% buttercream frosting and 10% chocolate cake. Now I enjoy watching all the battle it out cake shows, but the thing that pisses me off about them is that half the time they use rice krispies and other non-cake junk to make these spectacular things stand up. Make stiffer cake or something people!…

0cf45bbbff80e0dfc53afc133b76e2af 0d5afb3a5f7fdc0135079fbb41a07647 3dba69b875cde4dd74503b247fc645ee 4f403382f0de47312dc246c9d4f967be 5c297076b05cffa54ea3c63c9a2d3054 5ecb616a83a96921df2feb9822a16fc3 5f53eb6339c72d51597e4bf7c0440c69 6bba517517630d656d2c4dff607f7c6b 6ca1c3a6e1f81ad4975f82e2d0d68678 07ea8bfb365580f82447ee17af91836e 7ab0b92715eee26d3830bda30bc1e313 7b9f20fe813d1f28acccd6b47f8ae2f5 7cebb033f6fc6268e13f1c8bed932512 7fe2d694c7005abb1639d791049a9edd 8f20396f3590c44307cf579bffb1f854 9a1e23ba1af3d93b89df0ac0335e4159 9ca0acd20deb709cf5234b9337689f44 9eb68849041d7f19b7ad78a461191206 9f4a5e496bf064207517a5c41c941297 46d4c28d146f57908ba996edb6055a13 56f35f85361e22d9ab5d83c5019006c1 65a535547954cc40798be8e1268527cd 70b653b5dc5afa4e8e2557bde7ba9924 72a99703cb67a26133d2a6bf9217c0a6 83b6b845511d2ade6545ffac41f55260 89d85637e31a39ac887608b04ec27781 99acb9f8eb1e942103e3d2af1f4b5a30 99dc0c812d73f6e7062b8aa5818f8c2f 331e6354fd6f1369a3e0276434cfe02e 408bfbb392e7a4f230a7a538aef5770e 470aaaba6cd49209e09a168f68754b0d 643c6beeac973acaa46c4d8ab1541a4a 919d127c85e0188ec2c065f3200d24e5 0949c99ada0e1d51a553c6b69d8b4293 1453a9d4825a2a345d3facf3dde4f373 4043ad36a1c118bf5c7e7e08d606a2d5 65184e4b1d07c894e907d09afc1503e0 189007f47cf6f539c45175cd7d59293d 491843da5df3ed1d302e1b735d92fb00 39275522f47720cce6e9bcd6a55a14bf 49803202b50ffd59ecfbb2ce1f6b85f1 SONY DSC 87015982261018575fd71e61837efb7b a167dd49a5d14886bc1ce9420c33a295 a218ea214e1c3d4579edb04bad083de4 a2685235934954c6eab1c934788c885b ae5c7753f99ad59d3ffab2d3decb5037 b7cf309b8beaf1ddad30f68953326bc0 b37bdc4168d76d01b803419b26dff90f ba962fbf1673eedd498c1ed2d07fa635 bc61c8ae7b2c706bb50309ad283db58e c9e26f4c108e81fa883723aa0b230321 ce254f7697085fcf51f55f1a3429b1f1 cf8a121936a26d18d1ac46b772a7b2c4 d81d61fb3b9cd87c3c9d15c95b25e3ab d155cc3ce0511b461f6911670da32617 da8c7bb5ab1fdf07c0a1da751ddbfc19 e8e1d432ff51d7ea74605bfebaf9543a e9e1d5346e984a87a06c58031ad2bc31 e33cb8e85a78d6a266cbbd2cace5500e e38bd705e4454dfe42f07747005499ee eee5eb367b7efcdb10dacefdf8675cc4 ef5cf5ece09eb4f5c4d557401fa921cc fc689b6badc6ad08a11a2099393a3772 images (1)