You go ahead and PUNCH that wall!

I’m livid with how bad my memory is this year. The more I realize it when something happens and makes it apparent the more I just want to punch a wall. I should dig in on the school library database and see if there’s any claim to my particular Bipolar or OCD meds screwing with people’s memories as a side effect when they’re on them long term. I’ll probably forget to do that too though, HA!

I’m trying to embrace the fact that I can’t sleep. Mainly it’s because I’m worried about tomorrow. Obsessive Compulsive people don’t like change in their routine. I can handle changes a lot better than I used to be able to now that I’m well medicated. However, it’s safe to say I have a habit of not being able to sleep the night before something out of the ordinary is going on.

I’ve been dogsitting since Wednesday at an apartment I’ve dogsat at twice before. I’ve been struggling with missing my well established sleep, cleaning, and swimming schedule which I keep up at home and keeps me feeling accomplished and well. I also feel cleaner at home regardless of showering here. On the other hand, it’s a bit of a vacation.  I haven’t had an opportunity to dogsit in months, and I’m grateful for the extra money most of all.

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The man whom the dogs belong to is very nice and I keep in contact with twice a day via a text to send him updates. Mostly they’re just a quick ‘things are fine’ sort of thing. I’ve gotten less anxious now that I’ve found a good sense of when I should take the dogs out and become re-aquainted with their querks. Tomorrow (today rather) is my sisters birthday. I told the dog’s papa before I said I could take the job, that on the 19th I wouldn’t be available mid-day and he was fine with that. He’s got a neighbor coming over to walk the dogs. What worries me, is that she won’t put the walking collar on tight enough on one of the dogs (he’s got no regular collar because it was giving him allergies) and he’ll get free, or that she’ll tinker with things in the house she shouldn’t causing me problems later.


I wrote her a lengthy note ‘reminding’ her things I assume the owner told her. I also worry about what time she’s coming. I asked her to text me after she’s finished. That will make a huge difference in my schedule and how much time I’ll have to spend with my family celebrating. It’s not a big deal kind of celebration, just an immediate family dinner, cake and gifts really. Maybe rent a movie on Amazon or Redbox. Regardless, I want to be there and make my sister feel loved.

She’s a bit more open on holidays, which is to say she speaks a little more, has better hygene, and is in a little better mood (For those of you new to the blog, she’s 24 today with Asperger’s). This is my chance to interact a little more with her since she’ll be open to it. With my bit of extra cash I’m going to get her an extra gift before I head home in the morning. I got her a My Little Pony card game the both of us could enjoy together, and plan on getting her one of those Funko POP! vinyl My Little Pony figures. We may even watch the ‘new’ My Little Pony movie together tomorrow on Netflix. She was asking if there were any Barbie movies on Netflix a few nights ago, so we have a few things we could watch.

I suppose the last thing I need is to be devoid of sleep when I have a busy day, but perhaps it’ll throw my sleep schedule back into a ‘normal’ pattern. I take more naps than I normally would when I’m dogsitting, stay up much later than usual, and barely eat anything.

I hope to enjoy the day and the last of my dogsitting adventure without a hitch. Cross your fingers for me!


Day hospital has ended

Rob, Marlene and I all took our bows and graduated last Friday. I was given a tiny tigers eye by my case manager which, thanks to insurance I can’t afford to see as an outside therapist. It’s really got me down. 50 hours of therapy a week reduced to none. I don’t know what to do with myself. Number one struggle for all the alum is finding structure without group. I went from a 12k deductible before group to 6k as of graduation.

Currently I’m trying to enjoy myself. I’ve been watching vh1 and horror movies at my new dog sitting clients house. He is a lovely man as are his two dogs. He’s nearly 7 foot and has a couch large enough for someone of his stature. This couch? Amazing. The comfiest of any house I’ve worked in. The apartment is quaint but the living room area has been completely relaxing.

Unfortunately, aside from the upcoming job I’ve committed myself to next week, I’m not sure the inconvenience is worth doing the job. There was zero parking within a mile of the apartment complex. I hate Chicago for things like that. It’s not the first neighborhood I’ve worked in that’s been that way. Especially on a weekend you need to park and not go anywhere. No plans for you! I am going to a bonfire Sunday night and finish this job Sunday afternoon.

I’ve never been in an apartment with punching bag. And yes, I went at it for a bit.

I was relatively social on spring break, the best day visiting David and our friend Jeff. Besides the good company we watched some amusing things including Lords of Salem (which was awful, shame on Rob Zombie) and of course played Magic: the Gathering.

Right now I need to focus on staying grounded. It’s getting closer to the time when Chris is coming home from Washington and I have no idea what to do. I do know I won’t drive him to and from work like I used to. I’m setting a boundary as much as I want to help him out because if I don’t there’ll be truth to.”we’re just the same people doing the same thing over and over.” I’ve put in a lot of work to change into who I am now, I can’t flush it all away.


Just being

The microwave is on top of the refrigerator which houses extra spicy salsas,  organic roast beef and a pitcher of filtered water that tastes untouched by man. 

I’m dog sitting. The lucky girl is half Rott half Doberman. The unexpected daughter of two prized show dogs who suffers with arthritis. She barks at animals on TV and bounces up and down at the screen. I learned this once watching some ducklings on my very first episode of “Too Cute.” She prefers to cuddle and lay at my side as opposed to loafing on her bed. She looks down and presses her head onto me when I scratch behind her ears. Her head is lean and warm. She is Roxi, and I love her.

The apartment is small. Just enough room for one person and her dog. The bed is tall and firm. Not what I’m used to. My bed has a feather cover and full body pillow “nest” that envelops me in my shared room. It’s not the cubby bed or pull out sofa I use when I dog sit Taz.

The walls are white in the living room with very warm colored art on the walls. Roxi is at my feet on this couch covered by a soft beige blanket. The “suede and cashmere” candle has been burned to the bottom of the jar. It has two wicks and I near burned myself trying to shove my hand in there with a gas station lighter.

She has a framed and folded flag from her service to our country and a photo of her late nice. In her room is a beautiful duo of jewelry boxes and along either sides of the mirror are countless metals from runs and triathalons. Her trusty bike sits ready to roar next to the living room couch, sandwiched between it and the wall. It’s blue and white with thin wheels, balancing a matching helmet and the front wheel rests on a physical chemistry book, which makes me grin.

I’m watching Ancient Aliens. I’m not used to satellite TV. Roxi takes ME for walks. It’s been a nice vacation from everyday life.

I could live in a place like this. The backyard is magical. Red woodchips, red patio with white plastic chairs that are dirty and a stairway up to the neighbors apartment.

The lot is fenced in and when you step through the gate you’re in a well lit city alley. There’s a small house at the far end of the yard that could be a garage or maybe someones small home. This building is only a few feet from the neighbor building. You can see through the blinds of that house into the kitchen.

I’m here until Thursday morning when I’ll leave the place looking untouched. I’ll leave the dog with a big treat as a finale to all the spoiling I’ve been doing to her. Then I’ll go back to the norm. I always feel a little sad leaving my doggie getaways.


I’m in in-home pet care and I love my job. I just wish I had a dog of my own. I’m hoping after the psych career takes off and I finish my bachelor’s I’ll be able to get one, and maybe keep up the dog sitting and pet care on the side. (Hey Chicago, I’ll work for YOU!) I’m actually on While I’m blogging I’m going to complain about It seems that every time someone puts up an ad they must honestly pick the first Joe Schmo that responds to them regardless of their near decade long resume and abilities to take care of pets with special needs, etc. ULCH!!! I mean, I’m sure I’m not the only one whose the perfect one for the job, but I bet you the guy that gets hired ahead of me surely isn’t as good as I would be to your animal. Grrr.

Hug = Siberian Husky / Pug Hybrid

Hug = Siberian Husky / Pug Hybrid

Italian Greyhound / Papillon Hybrid Dogs

Bandi the Italian Papihound.

Golden Retriever / Weimaraner Hybrid Dogs

Goldmaraner puppy at about 4 weeks old (Golden Retriever / Weim  hybrid)

Corgi/Australian Shepherd


Corgi/German Sheppard

Corgi/Shiba Inu

Bolognese / Cocker Spaniel Hybrid Dogs

Alaskan Malamute / Siberian Husky Hybrid Dogs

Basset Hound / Chinese Shar-Pei Hybrid Dogs

Ba-Shar puppy at 6 weeks old (Basset Hound / Chinese Shar-Pei Hybrid)

German Shepherd / Siberian Husky Hybrid Dogs

I would also enjoy a nice purebred pitbull 🙂