House Hopping, Family, Fears, and Reflection

One thing I do well is in-home pet sitting. I don’t have any animals at home, so I baby other peoples pets. I get a little time away from home to myself living in other peoples houses. The only con is that I may spend a little extra on gas if I need to stop home or at school and back to a usually further away destination than home is for me. The past 2 weeks I’ve spent the majority of my time pet sitting. The houses and apartments I frequent when I have these jobs are like vacation homes. I’m familiar and comfortable with them. I’m lucky to some degree that I can have that experience and that people trust me so much as to leave their home and animals in my hands.

My cousin is spending time for school in Ireland and I won’t say I’m not jealous. She started up a blog about her adventures which I think is a fabulous idea. The closest I get to an exotic vacation is living in someone else’s house for a week. After playing the role of the “cool aunt” to the animals I clean up any sign that I was in the house to begin with. No one wants to come home to an unmade bed, a sink full of dishes and a full garbage can. I even fluff all the pillows in the house and make sure the remote controls are where they were when I arrived.

Speaking of my cousins blog, it’s http://cloversandchrist.wordpress.com/. I do hope my family knows that I love them. I feel like an outcast sometimes and I don’t think any of them really know how damn hard it is to be bipolar and most importantly how it affects my school and social life (which includes family life). But I care with all my heart for both sides of my family and can’t ever really express myself properly through striking up a conversation or visiting with my non-stop schedule. The closest I get now is facebook, and even that is just mostly ‘liking’ posts of theirs. I even care about my uncle, aunt and cousins that divorced themselves from the family when I was a little kid.

I have a fear that the family I do have in my life doesn’t love me very much or think that I care. I wish I was a better niece, cousin and granddaughter. Being cheesey it’s like that episode of True Blood in season 6 where they were at Terry’s funeral and the pastor said instead of “God, Country, Family” or “God, Family, Country” for Terry it was “Family, Family, Family” and though God is a large and quiet presence in my life, I love with my whole heart my family and close friends who might as well be family.

If I never had bipolar disorder I think my relationships would be different, but for now I fight daily to overcome the anxieties that accompany it, and just try my best to keep my heart open.

On another note, my nerdy guy friends and I opened a bunch of Theros boosters from the box we all chipped in for and I made a great white and blue deck which I kept at the end of the night. Next week we’re going to kick back with some pizza and make decks out of all the cards that I have now with the assistance of the more competitive, experienced payers in the group.

Advertisements

Pictures Not Included

My posts almost always have pictures in them, and I think it enhances the reading experience, but at work I can’t snag or download any gif’s or pictures and so you now know here I am, at work, bored IN my mind (at least if I were out of my mind I’d have another realm to play in.)

The worst part about this job is the hours of staring into space. Working at a computer isn’t fun at all. Even with the internet at your fingertips. It’s as if you can run out of things to do on the internet (how dare I say such a thing right?) I’d love to have League of Legends downloaded so I could kill time between orders playing it. Each of those games by default is at least 20 minutes and can last an hour depending. I’d LOVE to waste my time pressing “q-w-e-r” and clicking away madly as if the faster I click the faster I’ll make it to that point on the map. I’ve been impressed with my support skills lately in the game as I hadn’t played for nearly a year.

I always played support in LoL, mostly because I’m a girl and played with a group of guys, all of which ‘put me in my place’ and that place was support. No one pays attention to how many wards you buy or when you heal them but when my heal is on a cooldown or all of my wards die at once because I buy 10 at a time and throw them all up at approximately the same time, THEN you hear about it. No one wants to play support and no one appreciates it. Even I, playing support characters, like the idea of getting offensive items once in a while, hitting /ignore all as soon as I get into game, and just playing the way I want. I like AP Carry Soraka, I like KS-ing, I’m not gonna lie, I LOVE getting the kill as support. Just because Nami’s a fish doesn’t mean she gets cold feet about killing! (waka waka womp womp).

6 hours to go.

The next best thing to LoL would be someone to play Magic: The Gathering with. I’d just push everything on my desk to the left and make some space for my cards. On Friday nights, the boys and I get together (a completely different group than my LoL friends. My girl friends aren’t into nerd stuff) and play a mini tournament. You know, losers play each other, winners play each other until there is one ultimate winner for the night which last time was Matt. I’m still feeling out most of these guys, and how to act around them. Two of my closest (guy) friends come with for Magic night and I can be a complete goon around them, but when it comes to the rest, I tend to tense up, act a little awkward, and get very self conscious if I don’t understand a card I’ve never seen before.

I love that two crazies just made a half hour fly by for me. I had to stop typing and pay full attention to David, one of our drivers (everyone here but one guy is Korean and barely speak English). David’s probably the worst for communicating because he has a lisp as well as a thick Korean accent. He comes in the office and tells the longest stories where he reiterates everything he says and he, much like my late grandpa, tells the same stories on the daily.

So as David was telling a grand set of stories, Mr. Yang walked in the office playing a LOUD Korean game on his phone and singing in Korean. I had to bite my tongue not to laugh while David’s on about his ex wife and son. They left the office about the same time and now there’s only 5.5 hours to go.

Watch out if I blog again today. My fear is that all you kind people who subscribe to me will get bored of me or don’t like the variety in my postings. So here’s to hoping you stay subscribed, and cheers to you for sharing life with me.

a week in pictures

I just updated my ‘large monthly planner’ by journaling in all the blank spaces even if it wasn’t day specific. Gotta love that OCD. At least it feels productive when I’m done giving in to my compulsions to use up all the space. Using gelly rolls too! The metallic ones.

990878_393369407445826_360013949_oThe other day I made an egg in a pan I didn’t know that I had. It’s big enough for 2 eggs (barely) probably meant for 1.

962064_392569980859102_1304648366_nThen I was driving and saw this…

989408_392667417516025_1998149222_o 991089_392667447516022_594369663_oAnd am getting back into the Magic scene. We played double dragon, then 3 way. My favorite deck is white and black. From the Innistrad block.

989896_392869474162486_1109913684_oWe’ve been playing a ton of Magic and Munchkin lately. We have three Munchkin blocks now. The original, zombies and space. It’s out of control how many cards we have now. David is going out of town for a week and Joanna is leaving so we are going to do some slowing down, but we still plan on doing a 4 person group where we draft from the box of Dragon’s Maze boosters we haven’t touched yet. There are Magic and Munchkin apps for android if you’re looking for something. Then you can use die for counters  on top of a card, which worked out great (for Magic).

I’ve also been playing my bass guitar, it’s acoustic. I’m awesome.

Magic the gathering 2012 and Terraria for PS3

What horribly awful games. I wasted my free credits on these two stupid games and I’m rather aggravated. Perhaps I need more time to get used to the mechanics but Terraria is a thousand times harder to play than the easy peasy PC version I bought on Steam years ago. I spent 10 minutes trying to use the wood I collected to build a house to no avail. My houses in PC Terraria are always something amazing like this:

In fact, even MORE complicated and lovely! My house in PS3 Terraria hasn’t even gotten 4 walls. Using the left joystick to navigate where I want my pieces to go is impossible, and leaves gaps where it DOES manage to follow through. And in crafting, I can control which panel I want and what items I want to use, but the items I want to make I can’t even figure out how to change nor can I find directions through the game how to access the mechanics to do so. So I’m going to have to look it up online. A LOT of things I’m going to have to look up online and hope some kind soul has the information I need. Otherwise, the game is pointless if I can’t even make simple wooden jumping planks to get out of holes. There seem to be plenty of materials to mine however and plenty of trees. I hope to see more to this game than the PC version both in exploration as well as crafting. If not, I’m going to bury my head in the sand in shame.

As to Magic, I got the 2012 gold pack because it was cheaper, and the turn system is so slow and irritating it messes with my patience. I had downloaded the game so I could sharpen my skills now that I’ve got infinity Magic cards to play with and will be joining a group to draft with on a weekly basis. If anything, I’ve got a headache and not being challenged. The times I expect things to be slower or pause they don’t and the times I expect things to zip along, they don’t. Both aggravating to the max.

As far as Ni No Kuni is concerned, I’m stuck at the puzzle when I enter the Porcine Palace and have been stuck for nearly a month. After about 15 minutes a sit down session trying desperately to get to the door on the other side of the map and being caught by guards at every other turn, I’ve officially begun to think I’m never going to finish this game that I was enjoying so much. I would rather be back in the uterus stage fighting a giant jellyfish.

To top things off, the sick dog I was pupsitting died of a heart attack within a couple hours of me leaving and her owner coming home. It wasn’t my fault in the slightest, and I took care of her the best I could, but thanks to mental health issues I’m feeling guilty, at the least, for not being there when she passed. The same thing happened in a way a few years ago when my grandpa’s passed. I wasn’t there when either of them passed away and both times we weren’t there just for an hour when it happened but other family was. It’s like they waited for the grandkids to step out for a few minutes to go. Just like Sarka may have waited for me to quietly go in peace. There’s a chance she had a heart attack, which is what her owner thinks as she had puked black all over the living room while I wasn’t there, which was probably right before her death. This isn’t a pretty story, but it’s fresh and painful and when her owner called to tell me she was in tears and I was in shock. I felt bad I didn’t burst into tears on the spot but my heart was racing. After we were off the phone and my dad asked what happened (for he was watching me while I was on the phone) I started crying and couldn’t stop for about a half hour when I finally talked to a friend of mine who calmed me down.

251

It was after that massacre of emotions that I downloaded both games and was highly dissapointed and irritated and now I just feel drained but can’t sleep. I’ve been depressed lately, but fine during most days, even happy, which leads me furthermore to agree with the diagnosis that I’m a mixed cycler. Rare but treatable. It’s also been difficult to keep up with taking my pills. I have been taking them of course, but it’s the same kind of ‘God it’s so much work to do it’ feeling as getting yourself in the shower, and once it’s done it’s done, so there was never a reason that it was a big deal in the first place. I have to drive my mom to work around 7 and it’s 3 and can’t sleep. Good luck to me tomorrow. Life is hard.

http://www.gofundme.com/32dx78

hypothermia

The lights being off I think I’m hearing one of the dogs lick her chops, but then comes the methodical heaving and I wonder if she threw up on the kitchen floor. Turns out it was the stairs and. It was nothing but bile. She hasn’t eaten all day and it’s likely her owner said that she’s eaten another sock. I wonder if her owner will be home in time to pull the undigested thing out of her rear or if I’ll be stuck doing it. Horrified,  confused and stuck. Not my most glamorous job, but being a pet sitter can be dirty work.

 Dirty and cold. The thermostat is busted and all i I’ve got to keep warm in is one worn, fleece blanket that smells of body odor.  I write buried under it on the couch which is equally as uncomfortable as the bed.

I got my first meet and greet request on dogvacay.com. It’s for Monday.  Not sure yet how it all works. I’ve deactivated my account on that joke of a site care.com.

Overall, as much as I do this because I love animals,  I also do it because it pays the bills and my month long hypomanic spree has generated plenty.

My latest obsession has been magic cards and then there’s my acoustic bass. I don’t regret my spending decisions but I regret spending.  I don’t hardly have the money for this and by this I mean hypomania. I’ve been taste testing depression here and there and expect a crash that leaves a crater traveling at such high speeds.

When I feel the drop at least I’ll be able to sleep. I miss sleep.

Image

MAGIC: The gathering – my blue deck

Constructed last night while I couldn’t sleep thanks to yet another day this month in hypomania land :/

Artifact Elixer of Immortality 1 In case of emergency, +5 life, cards in graveyard to library
Enchantment Aura Mind Control 1 Control enchanted creature
Enchantment Aura Chant of the Skisang 1 Enchant creature, it gets -13/-0
Enchantment Aura Spectral Flight 1 Enchant creature, it gets +2/+2 and has flying
Enchantment Aura Sensory Deprivation 1 Enchant creature, it gets -3/0
Sorcery Chill of Forboding 2 CEach player puts top 5 cards of library into graveyard
Sorcery Artful Dodge 1 Target is unblockable this turn, flashback
Sorcery Divination 1 Draw 2 cards
Instant Forbidden Alchemy 2 Look at your top four cards from your library, put one in hand rest in graveyard
Instant Flash Freeze 1 Counter red or greenspell
Instant Hysterical Blindness 1 Creatures your opponents control get -4/0 until end of turn
Instant Saving Grasp 1 Return target creature to own hand
Instant Thought Scour 1 Target player puts top 2 cards of library into graveyard, draw a card
Instant Think Twice 1 Draw a card, flashback
Instant Griptide 1 Put target creature on top of its players library
Creature Ludevic’s Test Subject 1 transformation Lizard
Creature Laboratory Maniac 3 If you draw a card while your library has no cards in it you win the game Human Wizard
Creature Lantern Spirit 1 flying, return card to owners hand Spirit
Creature Tower Geist 1 When TG enters the battlefield, look at top two cards of library, put one into hand and one into graveyard, flying Spirit
Creature Murder of Crows 1 flying, whenever another creature dies, you may draw a card. if you do, discard a card Bird
Creature Deranged Assistant 1 put top card of library into graveyard, add one to mana pool Human Wizard
Creature Nephalia Seakite 2 flash, flying Bird
Creature Moon Heron 1 flying Spirit Bird
Creature Selhoff Occultist 1 whenever this or another creature dies, target player puts the top card of their library into their graveyard Human Rogue
Creature Headless Skaab 1 enters battlefield tapped, at additional costexile creature card from your graveyard Zombie Warrior
Creature Sphinx of Lost Truths 1 kicker, flying Sphinx
Creature Civilized Scholar 1 draw a card then discard a card. if a creature card is discarded this way, untap this card and ransform it Human Advisor
Creature Dungeon Geists 1 target creature an opponent controls, that creature dosen’t untap during its controllers untap step as long as you control this card Spirit
Creature Relentless Skaabs 1 As an additional cost to cast this card, exile a creature card from your graveyard Zombie Warrior
Creature Fortress Crab 1 Crab
Land 25

CARD COUNT – MAGIC: THE GATHERING – PART D

Last part of our core 4 decks. From here on out I’ll perhaps go through the Dragons Maze cards that came in the  mail AND/OR I’ll go through the trillion booster cards we haven’t used for inventory purposes and in case anyone sees anything that would bode well in any of our already constructed decks. Again, for the fourth time, if you think you can give some feedback on the deck (positive is always the best!) and then tell me what I need to add if you have some idea, that would help oodles. Thanks guys!

958757_389963434453090_300955013_o

Chrissy Deck B Dark Ascension
ENCHANTMENT – AURA Favor of the Woods 1
SORCERY Grim Flowering 1
ARTIFACT Nihil Spellbomb 1
ARTIFACT Grafdigger’s Cage 1
ARTIFACT – EQUIP Silver-Inlaid Dagger 1
ARTIFACT – EQUIP Sharpened Pitchfork 1
ARTIFACT – EQUIP Blazing Torch 1
ARTIFACT CREATURE Myr Battlesphere 1 Myr Construct
LAND Haunted Fengraf 2
LAND Evolving Wilds 2
LAND Grim Backwoods 1
LAND Forest 16
INSTANT Wild Hunger 2
INSTANT Gnaw to the Bone 1
INSTANT Naturalize 1
CREATURE Young Wolf 4
CREATURE Festerhide Boar 1 Boar
CREATURE Moldgraf Monstrosity 1 Insect
CREATURE Scorned Villager 1 Human Warewolf
CREATURE Grizzled Outcasts 1 Human Warewolf
CREATURE Strangleroot Geist 2 Spirit
CREATURE Briarpack Alpha 2 Wolf
CREATURE Viridian Emissary 3 Elf Scout
CREATURE Village Survivors 1 Human
CREATURE Grave Bramble 1 Plant
CREATURE Boneyard Wurm 1 Wurm
CREATURE Essence of the Wild 1 Avatar
CREATURE Acidic Slime 1 Ooze
CREATURE Acid Web Spider 1 Spider
CREATURE Ambush Viper 1 Snake
CREATURE Hollowhenge Beast 1 Beast
CREATURE Hamlet Captain 1 Human Warrior
CREATURE Lumberknot 1 Treefolk
CREATURE Elder of Laurels 1 Human Advisor
CREATURE Vorapede 1 Insect