One positive thing out of this entire week is that I’m at 301 followers on WP. Thanks a lot guys for sticking through my rollercoaster life with me.
I have ADHD. I just need the diagnosis so that I can start functioning properly. I saw a documentary about an adult with ADD and every symptom was spot on with things that have to do with me. For the sake of taking something to my doctor I just filled this out and printed the results:
How often do you make careless mistakes when you have to work on a boring or difficult project?
How often do you have difficulty keeping your attention when you are doing boring or repetitive work?
How often do you have difficulty concentrating on what people say to you, even when they are speaking to you directly?
How often do you have trouble wrapping up the final details of a project, once the challenging parts have been done?
How often do you have difficulty getting things in order when you have to do a task that requires organization?
When you have a task that requires a lot of thought, how often do you avoid or delay getting started?
How often do you misplace things or have difficulty finding things at home or at work?
How often are you distracted by activity or noise around you?
How often do you have problems remembering appointments or obligations?
How often do you fidget or squirm with your hands or feet when you have to sit down for a long time?
How often do you leave your seat in meetings or other situations in which you are expected to remain seated?
How often do you feel restless or fidgety?
How often do you have difficulty unwinding and relaxing when you have time to yourself
How often do you feel overly active and compelled to do things, like you were driven by a motor?
How often do you find yourself talking too much when you are in social situations.
When you’re in a conversation, how often do you find yourself finishing the sentences of the people you are talking to, before they can finish them themselves?
How often do you have difficulty waiting your turn in situations when turn taking is required?
How often do you interrupt others when they are busy?
PART A SCORE: 7
PART B SCORE: 8
If you have a score of 6 or more in one or both Parts (A and B), then your symptoms are highly suggestive for the diagnosis of ADHD and further evaluation is warranted. This score does not confirm a diagnosis of ADHD, which requires an evaluation to see if there is an alternative explanation or cause.
This is a screening examination for adult ADD. It is not a diagnostic test.
This is an 18-question symptom checklist adapted from the Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale (ASRS-v1.1), developed in conjunction with the World Health Organization and the Workgroup on Adult ADHD.
My new years eve was simple. We did our traditional Scrabble game which I lost miserably, and ate pizza made from scratch. I’m enjoying the final nights of the Christmas tree lit and watching Netflix. I may not have gotten married or engaged in 2013, gotten my master’s degree or toured Ireland, but I managed to survive last year without a trip to the hospital, pull off some miracles in school, and made some new friends.
I need to remind myself that no matter what I do in 2014 I need to take it the same way as was successful in 2013…a day at a time.
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” – Mae West
The texts I sent out must have been like owls holding letters for 11 year olds who have no idea what Hogwarts is, shocking and maybe a little bit scary. I know I’m shocked and a little bit scared myself that I sent them out. I just don’t want to be reaching out to people for the wrong reasons, like, I’m feeling neglected by my close friends and therefore need to reach out to people who used to give me attention so I could go through that honeymoon-magical phase of reconnecting just to then be like ulch, why did I do this? These texts were to old friends I haven’t spoken a word to for over a year. I’ve even considered re-entering the community that I made so much effort to separate myself from because too much drama was connected to it, maybe a little over a year later I could start anew? My only problem is the self-consciousness about having gained all this Deptakote weight and the shame in not having dropped it yet. I just want to be able to get out of the house, go to that gaming cafe and sit in a corner, maybe chat with some friends that work there, and veg.
There’s a little excitement in that santa bag of emotions of being able to be a new person and re-immerse myself with some decent people later on and have a good time, but I also feel like maybe I’m the only one whose taken a change to themselves and in turn everyone will still be the same kind of dicky, egotistical prick that I put up with but don’t love. I mean I can GUARANTEE you I’m the only one who went through a manic episode that ended herself in the hospital, months of intensive outpatient therapy and a major lifestyle change. I don’t even have the confidence I used to have back then. Though my confidence could have been sheer mania during the period of life I experienced with those people. I wasn’t as in touch with my episodes then either as I am now. Part of me is clammed up with water rushing through me and the other part wants to stick my clam tongue out to show off the pearl (the new me) not just to these people but to ALL my friends. I think I’m just going through a hard time, and whatever happens is great as long as I do it in a positive way without hurting myself.
I want to start picking up Sailor Moon. I’ve only been on winter break for officially two days now, I want to groom, I want to color my hair and I want to feel pretty next in the order of things. I want to enjoy playing World of Warcraft and make new connections with people online in my new guild though nothing could touch the incredible love my old guild showed for each other and that will always make me sad. But you never know right? I want to get my resume in to the nursing home this week too. I can’t wait for the Christmas Party I’m going to on Friday. Man I’m all over the place!
I’m watching the end of the Freaky Friday with Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsey Lohan. I wish she wasn’t a giant spaz, my childhood was made up of her movies, lastly being that one. I saw it in the Wisconsin Dells with my family one night when we needed a break from the heat at this tremendous movie theater and I wept quietly at the end and made sure no one saw me doing it. It was that turn of the century for me moment just weeks before I would become a living vegetable with full blown Lyme Disease symptoms and no idea why I would cry so easily and like a baby at things like dropping my toothbrush let alone a heartfelt moment where Anna gives a speech for her mom. Now every time I see that movie its double the emotional punch, and still makes me a little teary eyed because no matter how much Lamictal I’m taking I’m still a sucker.
Finals are over which is a nice feeling but I’m waiting upon my grades now and there’s only one class I’m nervous about; once I find out what my grade is in that class I’ll be able to adjust accordingly.
I started playing World of Warcraft again. It would give me an excuse to go to Ignite (gaming cafe) but I can’t face those people in that community right now after having gained so much weight after a year, it’d just be severely embarrassing and who cares if the reason is that you were on Depakote and it made you gain 80lbs? You STILL GAINED 80 LBS and that’s what’s problematic. I’m hoping to lose some of this weight over my winter break.
My friends (new and old) have become really important to me the past month, and keeping in touch with them daily has been on my to-do list. So far I’ve been alright at it too. I think I could be better if I wasn’t so damn depressed. It’s not paralyzing this time through, but it is pretty devastating to my energy level.
I need to somehow shake this negativity.